I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
