One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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