nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
