He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
