I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
