is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
