she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
