the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
