You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
