Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
