it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Randomize
