So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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