After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
