And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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