We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
