Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
