I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i think im in europe. pls send help
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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