Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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