Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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