everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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