I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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