The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
