What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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