dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
