Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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