I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
