im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
