Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
