Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
