Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
