I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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