Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
