Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
