i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
