I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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