is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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