In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
