I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
