why didn't you poke me back
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
