I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
