Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
