i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
