By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
