Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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