she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
