dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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