You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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