Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
