If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
