Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
