It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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