Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So apparently I’m into choking now
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