And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
