i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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