this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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