mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
