i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
