she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
